


Never Been This Nasty

by BombshellKell



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 14:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BombshellKell/pseuds/BombshellKell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drifting together didn't mean that Newt and Hermann would stop arguing; it just meant they had a whole lot of new material.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Been This Nasty

**Author's Note:**

> Request from Tumblr user Anonymous: Hermann and Newt have an honest-to-god, feelings-hurt, nasty argument after they drift.

Newt first realized something was wrong when Hermann didn’t say anything to him about the kaiju intestines that slipped off the table when he came into the lab that morning. Newt was just beginning to clean up; he would continue to study the kaiju, of course, nothing could stop him from doing that, but there was no desperation behind his research anymore. The world no longer depended on him, and though there was some relief that came with that, there was also a bit of disappointment and boredom. So when Newt tossed the large intestine segment over into the container it belonged in and it slipped onto the floor, across the hazmat tape that separated their halves of the lab, he expected and almost welcomed the backlash from Hermann. 

But he got none. Hermann was busy erasing his chalkboard, his back to Newt, and, if Newt didn’t know any better, he would think he was completely ignoring him. But Hermann could never ignore Newt; it was something he prided himself on. Therefore it was more than clear that Hermann was just trying to make it seem like he was ignoring him. Which, of course, made Newt want to act out even more. He nudged the bit of intestine over completely onto Hermann’s side of the lab with his foot, to where it wasn’t even touching the tape, just lying rather sadly on the floor. Hermann still didn’t turn around. Newt was gonna have to try harder than that. 

He crossed his side of the room and turned on his radio, to what he knew was Hermann’s least favorite station. They’d yelled about it countless times before, and there was no way he could ignore it now. Newt listened to the grating guitar solos and pounding drums and watched Hermann turn away from the chalkboard. This was it. 

But still, nothing. Hermann just clapped his erasers together to get rid of at least some of the chalk dust and then turned back to the board. Newt could no longer contain himself.

“What’s your problem?” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Hello! There’s kaiju guts on your side of the lab! Doesn’t that piss you off? Aren’t you gonna yell at me?” 

“Would you like me to yell at you?” 

“Yes!” Then, thinking it over, “I mean, no, but I don’t want you to ignore me, either. And after we drifted and stuff, it’s kind of a dick move.” 

“Newton, I could not possibly care less what we did. It was under dire situations.” Hermann straightened and turned to face Newt again, holding his arms together in front of him. “We cannot be expected to change our entire view of one another based on ten seconds of desperate measures.” 

Newt stared at him. “You can’t be serious. We were drift compatible, dude. And the way you suggested it at the time... it’s like you knew.” 

“Knew?” Hermann looked at him as if he was an idiot. “Of course I knew. You are aware, Newton, that I wrote the coding for the Mark I Jaegers? I may have ended the war focusing on Kaiju Sciences, but I started in the Jaeger Program. In fact... I would have been a pilot by now, if not for...” He swallowed, leaning unconsciously against his good leg.

Newt shook his head, feeling irritation rise in the back of his throat. “No way, man, I’m not letting you angst your way out of this. I saw everything when we drifted. I know stuff about you that you probably don’t want me to know.”

“And that is exactly why I do not want to pursue a friendship with you,” Hermann snapped.

“Well that’s too damn bad! You need to pursue a friendship with somebody! You can’t just wander around by yourself for the rest of your life! Nobody can!” 

“It’s served me well so far,” Hermann replied icily. 

“You’re lying to me.” Newt narrowed his eyes. “I saw you. Sitting in your dorm by yourself. I saw you crying. I saw your dad yelling at you.” 

Hermann, who’d been about to shoot back a retort, halted and shut his mouth tight. Newt stayed watching him, unsure if he was going to regret saying that or not, and leaning more and more towards yes with every tense passing second. 

“You don’t know half of the story,” Hermann said at last, his voice dangerously quiet. “You saw pictures. Flashes. You don’t know what was happening behind them.” 

“So tell me,” Newt challenged, taking a step forward. But as soon as he did, Hermann took a step back. 

“I don’t owe you anything. I am not the type to have close friends, Newton, and I am not going to let you barge into my life just because we did something in haste that affected you much more than it affected me.” Hermann turned to leave, apparently deciding that he would wait for Newt to finish cleaning up before he attempted doing so himself. But Newt wasn’t going to let him get away so easily.

“You’re not gonna be able to keep me out,” he said, dropping his crossed arms at last. “I know you’re just scared that the same thing’s gonna happen with me that happened with your dad. But I’m not an asshole, Hermann. I’m not gonna ditch you just cause I think you’re wrong. I’m... I’m not gonna ever ditch you,” he added, averting his gaze. Hermann’s expression changed drastically, though only for a brief moment, before his guard went up again.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Newton. But my decision will stay the same.” 

Newt’s rage flared up again. “You know what? Fine. Be scared. Just keep being a scared little kid for the rest of your life. I don’t care.” He kicked the kaiju guts further over onto Hermann’s side and stormed toward the door. “But you know what?” he added, turning around. “I thought you were better than that. When I looked at your memories, I thought I saw somebody who was strong enough to sit through all those years of being made fun of, all the years of getting kicked and stepped on and getting the short end of the stick, but I was wrong. I guess I saw what I wanted to see, not what’s really there.” 

He only briefly saw the incredibly hurt look on Hermann’s face before he left, but that was enough. He didn’t want to see anymore. He knew he wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t think Hermann was being very fair, either. Maybe they just needed to chill out.

So they chilled out. They chilled out for a couple days, and that turned into a couple weeks, and that turned into a month without speaking to one another. Pretty soon, Newt felt like he was going to go insane. He was finding it infuriatingly hard to be himself without somebody to be himself against, without somebody to be his opposite, and he knew it didn’t make much sense. But, at the same time, he didn’t want to be the one to break the silence and go visit Hermann in his room (because none of them had left the shatterdome yet, of course, and Newt doubted any of them would any time soon). So he would set himself up as a sort of bait, first sitting alone in the lab for hours on end, hoping that Hermann would come in, then going into their department’s kitchenette with a mug of coffee and waiting to see if he would come get himself some tea. 

But he seemed to be expertly avoiding Newt, and whenever Newt asked Raleigh or Mako or Herc if they saw him around, the answer was always yes, yet Newt never saw him himself. So he finally decided that, no matter how much he wanted to avoid it, he was going to have to be the one that broke the silence. 

He stood outside Hermann’s door for a good five minutes before he mustered up the courage to knock, and even when he finally did, it was so light that Hermann couldn’t hear him. He waited another three minutes or so and knocked again, this time only ever-so harder. He was about to give up on knocking a third time when Hermann opened the door, still dressed and looking less than thrilled to see Newt there. 

“...What?” he asked flatly. 

“Uh... hey. I noticed you were... not around...” He could have hit himself. Where the hell were his words? He had no problem finding them most of the time, in fact, he usually had more of a problem stopping them than anything else. “And, uh... just... wanted to make sure you were doing alright. You know.” 

Hermann was staring at him, looking him up and down with the critical preciseness that Newt used to find so annoying. The critical preciseness that he now knew came from growing up under the critical eyes of both parents, of having to do things perfectly or not at all, of trying to measure up to successful siblings. Newt sighed. 

“You know, it takes all the fun out of arguing when I can practically see into your head.” 

Hermann averted his eyes. “...Then perhaps we should no longer argue.” 

Newt nodded slowly, scraping the toe of his shoe against the floor. “...Can I come in?” he asked, looking up at Hermann with a spark of hope. 

Hermann took a moment to decide his answer before standing aside, leaning against the door frame as Newt stepped past him. He heard the door shut behind them as he examined Hermann’s immaculate living space, from the perfectly lined-up books on the shelf to the still-made bed in the corner. The only sign that anyone lived there at all, the only thing that made the room look any different than a sad-looking display bedroom in a furniture store, was an open textbook at the desk, laying perfectly parallel to a notebook, with some equations scrawled in Hermann’s neat handwriting. 

Newt wondered what he was working on now, or if the equations were just for fun. He wandered over to the notebook, and shut his eyes for a moment as he pressed his fingertips against the page, ignoring Hermann watching him. He felt an anxiety that bled through the handwriting, and realized that Hermann wrote out and solved equations to calm himself down when he was nervous. Not that Newt couldn’t have figured that out by himself, but it was different now, when he could feel the exact emotions that flowed freely from Hermann’s brilliant mind to his hand. 

“...Newton.” 

That was one thing Newt enjoyed about Hermann. He never sounded as if he was asking him a question. Hermann didn’t need to ask Newt questions, and that was why they were so good at communicating with one another. Even if neither of them particularly liked what the other had to say. Newt turned away from the notebook, for once looking Hermann directly in the face.

“This is really confusing,” he said, letting his defenses stay lowered. He saw Hermann’s rise, as they usually did, though perhaps not as high as was the norm. “So I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. We drifted. And after, I felt like we were still... connected, or something. And ever since then, I’ve been able to feel you, in my head. I feel some of the things you feel, I react to your memories. It’s like...” 

“Like the bridge is still present,” Hermann finished for him. 

They looked at one another blankly for a moment, Newt trying not to say anything and Hermann seemingly trying to find something to say. Eventually, Newt sighed. 

“I really care about you, dude.” 

“I know.” 

“No, I mean...” Newt took a step closer. Hermann was still leaning against the back of the door, and had nowhere to back up to when Newt drew closer. “I really do. And I know you care about me, too. You can’t fool me anymore.” 

Hermann’s back was pressed hard against the door, but he didn’t step aside as Newt stepped up to him. Their chests touched, then their foreheads, then noses. Hermann could feel Newt’s breath against his lips, just seconds before they kissed. It wasn’t particularly smooth, or sensual, but it held ten years of suppressed affection, and they both could feel it. 

“I’m sorry,” Newt mumbled, between one kiss and the next. “I’m just really sorry.” 

“I know,” Hermann said, holding Newt’s face in both hands. “So am I.”


End file.
